"Nosce te Ipsum"

This is one of the maxims carved on the temple of Apollo at Delphi and that literally translates to - "Know Thyself"...and one that I've taken to heart over the last 20 plus years.

To "Know Thyself" is to be an ACTIVE participant in fashioning who and what one wants to be. Some may call it character building, others, discovering life's purpose - whatever descriptive phrase used, the goal is to put in the TIME to carefully craft and shape the SELF.

But the SELF is an incredibly versatile construct as I've come to understand and is only limited to the LIMITATIONS we place in our minds (or let others place in our minds...which really is the same thing). And so I've thrown myself at all kinds of things over the years that on paper seem arbitrary, random and unrelated. In reality they provided different avenues to practice the concept of putting out a challenge to the self i.e to be the best version of that self at any given moment and in any given situation - the invincible thread that has run through everything.

The true self comes from within (and requires a fair amount of solitude). The worthwhile self is however the one that can be fashioned in solitude and in conjunction with interactions with others. While the process of what I like to attribute to as "filtering out the noise" is absolutely critical, it is almost as critical to make the recognition that:

"most of what is best about us comes from our interactions with other individuals." - Nannerl O Keohane.

This is where you all come in - I am a better person because of you, my friends, colleagues, and family (by blood and by choice). Your encouragement, your unwavering belief in me, your patience when I go “MIA” for long stretches of time...and even the challenges you set for me - all have conspired to instill a tremendous amount of self-belief.

So I thank you - and hope to be able to return the favor.

On this journey of life, let the mountain climbing of continuous self-discovery...and reinvention…commence!!!

"Incipit Vita Nova" - Thus begins a new life.

- Ayo Yusuf

Vibrations

…or is it frequency?

Please watch: http://io9.com/the-most-incredible-thing-youll-watch-today-is-this-vi-511739457

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibrations” – Nikola Tesla

As this video of sand (visible particles) shows us – it is possible to organize sand into specific geometric & recognizable patterns (albeit random patterns…random, until someone figures out how to compute/calculate/achieve each of these precise patterns).

Humans are much like sand particles and can thus be organized into recognizable patterns…or goals!!!

Even more importantly, the human mind can provide the necessary frequency/vibration to make “life-patterns” more recognizable.

So the question may not be about the randomness or not of events,  nor our natural propensity to be “pattern seekers” but on how to vibrate at the right frequency to help us more easily transition from the more easily recognizable life-patterns (345hz) to more complex and intricate ones (5201hz).

…or when to align with others who do, when our pattern recognition/vibration becomes less imaginative [1:59 – 2:18].

- Ayo Yusuf

TIME – Part 2 [Re-Conceptions of Time]

So I’m less obsessed with Time as I was in “Time – Part 1”…let’s blame this on “wisdom” of getting older! J. It is however still a subject that fascinates me – especially when I come across other theories on the subject/ideas that have the potential to change my perception of this construct.

Well the novel “Einstein’s Dreams” by Alan Lightman, offers an incredible array of ways to think about time…30 to be exact that I’ve taken the liberty to summarize below:

1) Time as a circle bending back on itself (The world repeats itself, precisely, endlessly).

2) Time as a flow (like flowing water occasionally displaced by a bit of debris or a passing breeze).

3) Time having 3 dimensions with 3 perpendicular & simultaneous futures.

4) Time split in two - mechanical time & body time. (Each time is true, but the truths are not the same).

5) Time in relationship to the center of the earth (time flows more slowly the farther from the center of earth).

6) Time as an absolute and infinite ruler (lays down the law equally for all and across the universe - it is the reference against which all actions are judged).

7) Time as an acausal concept of erratic cause and effect conditions (each act as an island in time, to be judged solely on their own).

8) Time in relationship to events (time passes but little happens).

9) Time with a predetermined and defined end (a world with one month is a world of equality).

10) Time as a sticky substance (portions of towns become stuck in some moment of history and do not get out...so, too, do individuals become stuck in some point of their lives and do not get free).

11) Time as an arrow pointing in the direction of increasing order (order is the law of nature - the future is pattern, organization, union, intensification; the past is randomness, confusion, disintegration, dissipation).

12) Time as stillness, fixed and frozen especially at the center (who would make pilgrimage to the center of time? Parents with children, and lovers).

13) Time as a series of images experienced from one moment to the next.

14) Time in a world without memory, is time spent in the present - for it is only memory and habit that dulls the physical passion.

15) Time as a fitful flow in a world of changed plans, of sudden opportunities, of unexpected visions - and as a consequence, people receive fitful glimpses of the future. (thus, in this world of brief scenes from the future, few risks are taken. Those who have seen the future do not need to take risks, and those who have not yet seen the future wait for their vision without taking risks.

16) Time as a state of constant motion and a fixation on speed (in this world time passes slowly for people in motion, thus, everyone travels at high velocities to gain more time).

17) Time as flow in the reverse.

18) Time in a world in which people live just one day is too precious and organized by its relationship with light (in this world in which a human life spans but a single day, people heed time like cats straining to hear sounds in the attic - for there is no time to lose).

19) Time as one of our senses (in a world where time is a sense, like sight or like taste, a sequence of episodes may be quick or may be slow, dim or intense, salty or sweet, causal or without cause, orderly or random, depending on the prior history of the viewer).

20) Time as an infinite span in a world where people live forever (in such a world the population is split into the "Laters" and the "Nows". The former reason that in endless time, all things can be accomplished - thus all things can wait. The "Nows" note that with infinite lives, they can do all they can imagine. So they begin early, never go slowly, and move through a succession of lives - eager to miss nothing).

21) Time as a quality, not quantity, that cannot be measured (in a world where time cannot be measured, there are no clocks, no calendars, no definite appointments - events are triggered by other events, not by time).

22) Time as a line that terminates at the present, both in reality and in the mind...this is a world without a future (in a world without a future, beyond the present lies nothingness, and people cling to the present as if hanging from a cliff).

23) Time as a visible dimension (just as one may look off in the distance and see houses, trees, mountain peaks that are landmarks in space, so  one may look out in another direction and see births, marriages, deaths that are signposts in time, stretching off dimly into the far future).

24) Time as a stretch of nerve fibers - seemingly continuous from a distance but disjointed close up, with microscopic gaps between fibers (so tiny are the disconnections in time that a single second would have to be magnified and dissected into one thousand parts and each of those parts into one thousand parts before a single missing part of time could be spotted).

25) Time as a pilgrimage to the Great Clock - a human invention that quantified the passage of time, that laid ruler and compass to the span of desire, that measured out exactly the moments of a life.

26) Time as a local phenomenon in which time flows at different speeds in different locations (this locality of time leads to a world of isolation which in turn yields a rich variety of life. The abundances caused by isolation however, are stifled by the same isolation).

27) Time in a future that is fixed and as an infinite corridor of rooms - one room lit at each moment, the next room dark but prepared (we walk from room to room, look into the room that is lit, the present moment, then walk on. We do not know the rooms ahead, but we know we cannot change them. We are spectators of our lives).

28) Time as the light between two mirrors, bouncing back and forth, and producing an infinite number of images, melodies, and thoughts.

29) Time in a world of shifting pasts, means events, once happened, lose reality and in time, the past never happened (the past is not as solid as this instant).

30) Time as a nightingale that flutters, fidgets, hops, jumps, and flies - mostly beyond our reach (trap one of these nightingales beneath a bell jar and time stops).

These reflections offer intellectually provocative possibilities on how one can choose to organize their time…or the possibilities thereof!

- Ayo Yusuf

Everything Is Serious

"Why do you push yourself so hard?" or "What are you trying to prove?" are two frequent questions I get with regards my intense daily schedule, non-sleeping habits, and hardcore training regimen.

I often jokingly respond that there's plenty of time to sleep when life ceases; OR that I enjoy the process of discovering my limit then pushing this limit some more. But 90% of the time I just smile...which is my default response when I can't articulate in words the complex thoughts running through my head.

"I discovered early on that the truly great advantage of going all-out every time is that later you don't have to waste a single instant second-guessing yourself"

The above statement (by the main protagonist in John L. Parker's book, "Again to Carthage") captures those unarticulated thoughts...second-guessing myself and having regrets have ceased to be part of my consciousness because I put in everything I can into every task or undertaking no matter the scale (or the "importance" factor).

And here's what I finally realized about myself - my truth if you will - everything is serious! If one were to operate on this principle, as I do, then one would be taking the view that every action engaged in should be as deliberate as possible - and goes without saying - should bring out/reveal the best version of ourselves!

At the end of the day, if you're your hardest task master - there is absolutely NOTHING that anyone can throw your way that you haven't already thrown at yourself...or set yourself up to tackle effectively.

 - Ayo Yusuf

TIME – Part 1

Time. I'm obsessed with it. I'm obsessed with my usage of it. I'm obsessed with trying to make more of it!

The last obsession, for any normal and well adjusted person, would seem like an undertaking in futility. You can't make more time...you either have it or you don't!

I recently had the following conversation with one of my NYC mentor figure, Lucy.

Lucy: I'm so glad we got together. I know how busy you are - we both are. With the constant demands vying for the limited resource of time, it's amazing how much time can go by without connecting...something that once used to be a no-brainer.

Me: That's why I keep trying to see if I can create more time...

Lucy: (laughing) Let me know when you succeed with that!

Me: Well, what if I told you I've figured out how to have a 48-hour day!!!

What???

It is important to back up here for a second - back to my college days. I was determined to break the stereotype of the "architecture student" one that constituted not having a life outside of studio. So I went a little overboard...I was an Resident Assistant, a Teaching Assistant, went to home football games and became that "dancing guy" on the jumbo Tron, I participated in multiple intramural sports as a substitute for not being on the tennis team (which I had a chance to be on), I also made the dean's list all but one semester...something had to give! Sleep!!! My sleep time, which I loved, kept getting eaten into. I was always tired, when I wasn't physically active...and can't say this was a thrilling sensation. [also wasn't thrilling for my residents who often had to endure my alarm going off for hours without me hearing it.]

Then one morning, after waking up from 4hrs of sleep and finding myself in studio at about 4am, I had my first major epiphany about time. It occurred to me that if I made sleeping 4hrs my new "normal", I would be gaining an average of 4hrs a night (assuming the 8hr sleep recommendation) and 28 hours over the course of a week...a day plus 4hours that would otherwise have been "slept-away"! I was jolted awake as I realized that I'd stumbled on the possibility of an 8-day week...effectively more time to do more!!! I rationalized that gaining 28hrs was more important than the sleep lost...I'd just have to figure out ways to manage the occasional fatigue!

Fast forward to 2014 and I still sleep 4hrs a night on average. This year also constituted my "1-hour-of-painting" daily routine. The time of the day didn't matter as long as I got that hour in. Soon enough though, a pattern emerged. Because of long hours at the office, plus my daily sporting activity afterwards, I would often make it home just before 11pm to put in my 1hr of painting. I would then proceed to have dinner (yes, dinner after midnight), and because I knew I needed to allow for the meal to digest before going to bed, I would use this digestion time to put in that day's hour of painting. Pretty soon my sense of time got slightly warped, as I would have this feeling that a long time had passed between painting sessions...even though my fastidious records indicated I hadn't missed any days. That's when it hit me - it is possible to have more than 24hrs in a day...in fact a 48hour day is possible!!!

If you put in a hr of painting (writing, knitting, whatever) at 1:00am on a Monday, and wait till 11:00pm on Tuesday to put in another hour of work...only a day has gone by between sessions. However, 46 hours have expired in that span of time!!!

The mind shift is mind blowing...and you can bet that I've spent the time since looking at combinations and permutations to maximize this new "48hr day" understanding :).

To end on a slightly different tangent, but one that may shed light to this peculiar way of thinking, here's a fascinating clip based on "Sum" from David Eagleman's Tales of the Afterlife:

 - Ayo Yusuf

Curiosity

I realize now that I'm not hardwired for this - at least the brand of this emotion that makes one want to know the latest going-on's around them...or the globe.

This revelation was driven home hard last night...again where most of my miniphanies (mini epiphanies) seem to come from these days, on the subway!

Leaving the 23rd street station, there was a thud then the sudden jolt from the emergency breaks being engaged. It happened so fast but in my deconstruction process, I catch in my periphery vision the outline of a person outside of the train doors (just a little off to the left from where I'm sitting), the thud (the collision between train and person), and then the sudden break in forward motion (and disruption of kinetic energy).

And I didn't move a muscle.

I just sat in place - as people (children included) slowly tried to make sense of why we'd just stopped  and made their way to the window/doors to see what had happened (by now it was clear that someone had just been hit by the train). I just sat there!

And the reason I sat there was because 2 very distinct thoughts came to my mind the immediate seconds after we stopped - "there is absolutely NOTHING I can do for the person who just got hit while I'm stuck inside of this subway car" AND "I do NOT want to know if someone was just killed less than 10feet away from me".

The clarity and speed of my rationalization process surprised me because they came even before what would be the normal first curious response candidates, "what just happened?" OR "Is the person alright?"

By this point, and from the reports of strangers to one another, the collision was not a fatal one. The guy, apparently drunk, got off the train when we pulled into the station, but in his intoxicated state stumbled along the platform and managed to stumble backwards while the train was pulling out hence the "thud". While medical attention would be necessary, it was obvious that the train not moving was also to ensure that he didn't stumble onto the tracks when the train pulled away. Or so I thought.

And because my reaction surprised me, I now used our time waiting for medical assistance to analyze the responses of my fellow passengers. There was the camp of how alcohol was bad news and how they'd cut back on their own personal consumption to sharing other intoxicated related shenanigans. There was the camp of "let's document this for posterity sake". There was the camp that were running medical diagnostics - which may have been the most useful had they not been stuck inside the train car. And then there was this one family with 5 kids - all less than the age of 7. Except for the baby in the stroller, all the kids ran up to the window to look at the guy laying on the platform...and none of the adults stopped them! This bothered me quite a bit, and I zeroed in on the mother as I thought what kind of mother doesn't instinctively protect her kids from seeing a potentially gruesome sight. Then one of the kids started to cry, saying he was scared. The mother at first tried to placate him with gentle hushes, but then started to raise her voice. I lost my composure when she yelled at him to "get it together" and said to her (okay, more like raised my voice at her) that he was just a kid who had just witnessed something disturbing and that yelling at him was not the way to go. She was not happy about being called out and her response was "he's my kid...I'm his mother, and I know how to calm him down".

The words that wanted to come out of my mouth were "well you're doing such a fantastic job...why don't we just give you the mother-of-the-year award", but I had the good sense to realize that the focus of everyone was now on us, that the kid himself was no longer crying, and that further criticism would not help the situation...so the words that came out instead were "I'm sorry". Her countenance changed instantly and now all of her focus was on the kid.

The old lady who had now returned to her seat next to me started saying "sometimes you try to help people..." but I didn't catch the end of her comment as my mind was in epiphany mode:

"In situations like this, and those with more tragic outcomes, less than 1% of the reactions that follow is truly about the actual victim(s) of the tragedy. The other 99% of reactions is all coping mechanisms by those left to witness (or find out about) such events when subconsciously they come to the realization that they have ZERO ability to change the outcome of these events."

My gut instinct is that if this realization became more of a conscious understanding (and less subconscious), there'd be less finger pointing and judging of different reactions to the same events by different groups...because at the end of the day, if you're not actually DOING something to change a situation, then WE'RE all in the same boat - the boat of non-doers!!!

And talking is not doing in my book...emphasis on "my".

It also occurred to me the need to work on my not judging others...and realized that there was one thing I could have done while I sat - I could have said a prayer for the person and their loved ones regardless of the fatality or not of the outcome. Note to self!!!

Finally, a new understanding. Lacking curiosity is not a synonym for "not caring"...I like to think of it as the conservation of emotional energy :).

 - Ayo Yusuf

Crazy Ideas

Going into race number 3 of the year, a 5-miler on Sunday, I thought it would be nice to break into the top 100. See, after placing 284th/6216 and 123rd/4007 in races #1 & #2 respectively, placing in the top 100 seemed like a logical next step. I also had this crazy idea that I would try to run a 6min/mile pace.

Crazy idea!!!

Not only did I NOT run a 6min/mile pace, I HAD to stop, walk, and catch my breath - just shy of the 4th mile marker!

Once I start a run...I don't stop until the run is complete. Even practice (non-race) runs. Even when I run with others as their pacer and they need a break...I keep jogging on the spot while I patiently wait on them to find their second - or third - wind.

I've stopped one other time...resulting from a combination of starting out too fast and an ankle injury. But this was before I had devised mental "tricks" and fail safes to keep the "when will the finish line show up" thoughts at bay!

On Sunday, my mental tricks were no match. The "counting to 100" didn't work. The "focus on nothing but my breathing and slowing it down" didn't work. The "looking down at one foot in front of the other" hypnotic spell didn't work. The "can I find a new pattern on my running shoes that I've never seen before?" didn't work.

My mental reserve took a big hit. I got tired...and so I stopped. And saw runners go by one after the other. After what felt like a good minute and a half at least, I caught another wave of energy and was able to sort of finish strong...but not without losing on a head-to-head sprint to the finish with another runner.

So, not one of my top performances, to say the least....but I quickly brushed off the experience (maybe too quickly as I didn't even look to see my finish time as I crossed the finish line). It helped even further to move on when the guy who had sprinted to the finish ahead of me came back to give me a fist-pump and to tell me that I'd been his pacer the entire way...and that when I stopped he was like "oh no, how am I going to maintain this pace". He concluded that he rooted for me to get back running again...for selfish reasons, of course, and smiled.

I smiled in return, because I would have done the same thing, if the roles were reversed.

Later on in the day, when my curiosity got the better of me, I went online to check the results and didn't quite believe what I saw:

A finish time of 33mins 44secs (6:45min/mile)...and placed 44th/4186 total finishers (9th/265 in my age group).

It appeared that what by all accounts seemed like a disaster of a race (at least in my head) turned out not to be so. I did break into the top 100 like I had envisioned for myself and though the 6:00min/mile pace is still a dream...it now doesn't seem like such a crazy idea anymore!!!

- Ayo Yusuf

Being Unique

It's been unbelievable nice weather the last week or so here in NYC. But just two weeks ago, the morning/day weather was characterized from mild dampness, to light drizzle and shower, but never an all-out down pour (at least none that I was caught in).

It was under these conditions (or more correctly, as a result of these conditions) that I made some observations that shed some light for me about "being unique".

It is an 8 minute walk from my apartment to the train station...very specific, I know, but I can be this, "very specific", sometimes. I not only know how long it takes me to make the short walk, but know that it'll take 5 minutes to jog (at a reasonable pace and not be completely out of breath by the time I get to the station) and 3 minutes for an all-out dash (if it's absolutely critical that I catch a specific train). The kicker, is that I did this test (of run, jug and dash), all back-to-back-to-back and upon seeing my apartment for the first time over a year ago and in consideration of it being my next home! What can I say, I'm a little nuts :).

But I digress!

The 8 minute walk in the mornings on the way to work is often times, when I am at my clearest...as I'm still riding high from my version of the morning jolt (a hot shower) and the clean & tree-scented air that comes with the luxury of living on a tree-lined boulevard street. So during this said week of dampness and light showers, the trees offered some level of protection - the moisture/rain still hit the ground though...well, everywhere but one spot!

One Spot...on an entire stretch of this particular street!

Of course, being the kind of person that seeks answers, this was intriguing to me. I looked up to the trees to ascertain the conditions that would help shed light on my observation. Nothing was caught in the tree that would block the passage of the rain drops, instead there was an intricate web of tree branches and leaves that didn't look especially different than any network of tree branches and leaves the entire stretch of the street...yet the overlapping layers were organized just so that they formed an obstacle to the light rain drops. 

And, this was when the "aha" moment hit - that being unique sometimes has absolutely nothing to do with BEING unique! The uniqueness did not necessarily rest in the effect (the lone dry spot on this street) but instead in the cause (the intricate web of connections in the tree above this lone spot).

Sometimes, life just happens to make all the right pieces fit in a manner that accentuates individuals and their abilities! The smart and wise of these lucky group will be sure to recognize this fact and keep humility as their close ally!!!

- Ayo Yusuf

Oh Boston

I called an old professor from my grad school days, out of the blue and on my way in to work on Monday morning. She was so excited to chat and caught me up quickly on how things were going for her in Boston. About her keeping up with her skating, the classes and students she’s teaching, the current series she’s working on – and then, in mid-sentence, she asks:

“Are you still painting?”

I sheepishly admit that I haven’t kept up with it like I would and that the last time I held a paint brush was May of last year (2012) in the completion of a commissioned piece.

That said commissioned piece is also the accompanying image and was titled: “Oh, Boston”

Boston, you are both the inspiration and the subject of my best painting to date…and I thought it only fitting to write this and to say a big thank you.

And just as I (and millions of other people that have had the fortune to visit, pass through, or call you home – temporarily or permanently) have drawn inspiration from you for the special place that you are, we all get to return the favor and inspire you and everyone affected by the events of Monday.

We’ll do this by our thoughts, words, and action…most especially our thoughts. Why thoughts? Because every great deed/accomplishment ever achieved on one end of the spectrum (and every imaginable evil on the other), is first and foremost born out of thought. Let no one be mistaken, thoughts are REAL things, as real as our words – as real as our actions. And once we create these thoughts we release them into the atmosphere to where they attract similar thoughts and gain enough critical mass for expression, somewhere…somehow!

“The power to think as you wish to think is the only power over which you have absolute control.” – Napoleon Hill

If one is to agree with the above quote (as I do…and as the events of Monday have revealed that you can start your day as an able bodied person/runner and end as an amputee, or lose the breathe of life), it stands to reason that if it is within our power to control our thoughts, the responsibility then rests upon us as to whether our thoughts will be of the positive or the negative type.

The months and years are going to be hard for so many, but I have no doubt that the struggle ahead will be counter balanced with incredible feats of self-discipline, self-discovery, and stories of resilience that will bring forth tears of joy – all of which would never have been known without this hardship. Until then the victims and the city will need to draw upon strength and positivity from somewhere – and I pledge us (me and everyone else who happens to read this) as this source of positivity!

The painting is now the property of another, but if I had the authority, I would rename the piece:

“Oh, Boston – our good thoughts are with you!”

- Ayo Yusuf

[Originally published Apr 18, 2013]

Architecture Lesson #1

Sometimes life simplifies the decision making on the right choice/path to follow. 

Seeing obstacles and difficulty, less as a negative, but more of an opportunity to grow and be/perform better.

That was my first and most important lesson in Architecture School (and now well extended into other areas of my life)...that if you see an opportunity to make a design/situation better - and the time is available to do so - you do exactly that. You'll always surprise yourself and others around you and inspire all to a higher level.

Simply put, don't be afraid of the work involved to do better!

- Ayo Yusuf